An Empty Heart
by crimson x roses
Summary: Edward's world continues to put Bella in danger. Will removing himself from her life forever keep her safe, or will it only leave him feeling empty inside?
1. Chapter 1

Trees blurred past my face as I ran through the dense forest surrounding me. My mind was scattered, something that never happens to me. I couldn't focus on a single thought pulsing through my head. All I could see was her broken face in front of mine, exploring my hardened expression for any sign of doubt. Of course, she found none.

I couldn't let myself put her in danger, no matter how much I truly loved her. Staying with her would only hurt her, and letting Bella suffer because of _my_ carelessness was no longer going to be a problem.

If I hadn't brought her into the forest that day, maybe she would not have had to face the tracker who sought out to kill her. Maybe she would have been able to enjoy her human life without any extra fear of what lurks in my world; a world that should not exist.

I slowed down to a walking pace as I reached the winding driveway of my house. Leaving here was something my family would have to do eventually, but they were not ready to do so. Not yet.

I trudged into the garage at an alarmingly slow pace and sunk down against the wall next to the door. My face fell into my hands and I shook my head, trying to ignore my thoughts, and failed.

How could she believe the lies I fed her? After the thousands of times I swore my love to her, she _believed_ me when I told her I didn't want her anymore. I remembered how the beating of her heart accelerated when she pieced the meaning of my words together. For once, I was thankful that I couldn't read her mind. It would have made my choice impossible.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I did not pick up my head. Images of her broken face flashed behind my eyelids like a slideshow. Her scent was still clinging to my sleeves. My mind was beginning to shut down…

"Edward, son, you don't have to do this," Carlisle pleaded. "What happened on her birthday was not your fault, and it can be avoided. Jasper is learning, and he's promised us that he could restrain himself. Leaving her now might hu-"

"I know what I'm doing," I growled back at him. "Do you really think I want her to be around me after that? She needs real _human_ friends. She needs to be around people that won't try and take a snap at her if she gets a simple cut on her finger. Someone who can hold her hand and kiss her and tell her it will all be okay and _mean_ it."

My voice broke on my last sentence. I wanted so badly to be that person for the rest of my life. If I could, I would find a way to become human for her. I needed her more than anything in this world, but I wasn't going to be selfish. Her safety came before my fixation.

Carlisle grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up. I staggered against his grip but managed to stand. I looked at him, but didn't really see him. I could not see anything but a blur of memories that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"If this is what you think is best, no one will stop you," He responded. "Take my car if you need to, and a cell phone. Keep in contact so we can all meet when you've calmed down. We are your family, Edward. We want to be with you and help you through this."

I took the keys from his hand and bolted into the car. The keys flew into the ignition and in a split second I was flying down the road. I had to get away from Forks, from everything I had done wrong, and all of my memories of her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Okay. So I probably should have put this in the beginning of the first chapter, but I really really wanted to have Edward's POV of New Moon. I was always so curious to see how he was feeling throughout the entire book, so, this is my spin off :)

* * *

It must have been a mere five hours until I was crossing the border into Alaska. It was the farthest place I could think to go on such short notice. I just needed some time to figure out where I should escape to.

I came to the wood's edge and parked the car at the beginning of the trail. No one was around for miles, so I didn't care where I left the car. I didn't care about anything anymore. I wanted to be numb.

The trees went on forever as I pushed farther and farther into the sea of greens and browns. No matter how hard I tried, my mind would always wander back to Forks. I thought about how my family was worrying about my situation. I thought about how long it would take for them to find me wasting away in the forest. I saw the confusion and shock cross their faces when I told them I was leaving. And worst of all, I saw a vision of Bella lying cold and lifeless in the middle of the forest, alone. And it was all my fault.

_No_ I screamed to myself. _Stick to your plan! You're protecting her because you love her. Do what's best!_

I held onto that thought. It became my mantra, sounding over and over again like an alarm. This was the safest thing for her. I wanted more than anything to protect her, and taking my world away from her was the only option left.

I pressed on for hours trying to lose myself within the maze of pine trees. Each thought was like a fresh blow, hitting me harder and harder each time.

"_Will you stay with me?"_

_"As long as you want me, I'm here."_

_"I'd like to try something…"_

_"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."_

_"I love you."_

_"You are my life now."_

Guilt and sorrow overwhelmed me. I staggered against a tree and sank into the wet grass. Dry sobs escaped my lips as my head fell into my arms. My fingers began tearing through my hair, trying to unhinge my head from the rest of my body. I didn't want to hear anymore. I felt like I was having a nightmare, even if I wasn't able to sleep. My heart felt like a hollow stone deep in my chest. I had lost a part of me.

_But it's for the best! You're saving her! Don't be selfish, you needed to leave her! Her safety is your priority! _

My other half struck back.

_What are you doing!? You can't just up and leave her like this, you LOVE her! You cannot live without her. She completes you._

I rammed my body into the ground and banged against the earth with my fists. I wanted to feel pain. I wanted a consequence for my actions. I wanted to quiet the feud in my mind, once and for all.

Rain began to fall lightly from the gentle looking clouds. I covered my eyes with my arms and tried to slip into comatose. I wanted to forget who I was.

As the wind picked up, I caught a familiar scent along with it. I didn't even need to lift my head to realize that I was being watched, maybe even stalked. I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone.

A low growl sounded in the distance. It was filled with disgust and worry. I finally got up the will power to leap up and pull into a crouch. I scanned the dense trees for the growl's origin, seeing nothing but green.

A light tap on my shoulder made me almost jump out of my skin. I whirled around and locked eyes with the very person I was expecting.

"Hell, Edward," Tanya said, looking me over once. "You look horrible."

* * *

I hope you don't get too upset for Edward, he'll tough it out! R&R!


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